studying hard = good results

study hard + lots and lots of luck/intellect = normal results

I never thought of myself as someone who was smart, just average maybe. But I never felt stupid either...I dunno...it's just that ever since i came to jc , its like everything's out of my control. I feel helpless and lost , maybe i'm striding down the wrong path but there's no turning back...i've got to move on.

People around me are just so smart...don't get me wrong, i'm not blaming them. It's just that this unequal distribution of intellect just makes me feel inferior...it's like some invisible force weighing down on me. It'll always be there though...its genetics , it cannot be altered.

What's worse is that despite the fact that i know how desperately i need to study to pass, i just cannot bring myself to do it. the motivation is just not there. I used to be able to feel it during the exam period but now...i dunno. Its absence just worsens the situation. I'm feeling stressed and this stupid slacking body i'm in just doesn't want to study (even if i do , its not productive), this adds to my stress!!!!(rah!)

I JUST HATE IT! AND ITS ALL MY FAULT! I HATE WHAT I'M TURNING INTO!I used to be happy, motivated and i was able to do well in school. Why must life change? everything is so different and i just resent it...I WANT MY LIFE BACK!